I just love John Dehlin's
Mormon Stories. I just finished up on his three-part series on
Fowler's Stages of Faith and how it relates to Mormon stages of faith.
Stage 3 involves the conviction that everything about the Church is true and are looking for ways, etc to back that up. Stage four involves the questioning stage, the disaffected stage, the wondering if this church is really led by God and sometimes if there is really is a God.
I've kind of been in between stage three and four for a few years now, but was thrust into stage four within the past few months with the birth of my son and post-partum depression. I can't explain why it happened. I was pretty content with being discontent a year ago. But now I've found the bloggernacle, books, and especially people, my people who have gone through, are still going through many of the things I am and that are still trying to be active and find their own peace with the Church and God.
I'm still in the 'a bit bitter stage' with God, but am starting to feel a bit of hope as I study, read, blog, pray, serve, etc that there is light.
But I must admit these last few weeks have been a bit rough. My neighbors just lost their 8 month old son to cancer last week. She told me a month ago that right before he was diagnosed she was thinking to herself how wonderful her life was going and that it pretty easy, more or less. And then her son was diagnosed with the most malignant cancer a child can get. She decided to start her own blog on her family's trial and faith during this time. They've never shown anything but faith, strength, and love for God. Everytime I see her she's so upbeat, though I know she feels otherwise.
The funeral was so beautiful. I admire them for their faith and just being able to deal in any way with losing a child.
I can't even imagine losing my son. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I really don't hide it too well. I would completely fall apart if this happened to any of my loved ones, especially my husband and son. It got me thinking about what is expected of us, at least in my humble opinion in the Church, when tragedy strikes, especially physical tragedy. How would people have reacted to this family if they had turned bitter and resentful or had grieved more openly with anger? They had so many responses of love and service and continue to do so. But if the way they dealt with their son's illness were less "faithful" would they have received as much concern and help from those who didn't know them well? It brings me back to the stiff upper lip in the Church. Who can endure the best while putting on the nice face?
Now, don't get me wrong, I truly believe that this family is completely sincere in how they handled this horrible tragedy. This is their faith; it's strong and has only been made stronger. I only use their story as an illustration, to ask the question if it happened to a family that didn't handle in this positive manner. Just something that got me thinking about how I might react and handle a tragedy like this...I don't think so well. My tragedies have been more on the mental side...
And thus life continues on the road to?
I'm doing a shameless promotion for this free magazine called the LDS Left magazine. It's "For Mormons who hold testimonies of the Gospel and find legitimacy in the ideals of the left." But I feel it can be for anyone who's trying to gain a better understanding of their own beliefs and the belief of others. For we can all be together under one religion and yet not be together as a people. I really feel that this magazine offers that togetherness. I think there is something for everyone here...I don't agree with everything everyone writes about, but it still gives me the chance to hear what other people think and in turn I can assess my own beliefs.
