Yup, it happens. We humans suffer a lot during our years or not so many years upon Earth. And yes, it is a part of life. We humans have the great enjoyment of living and sometimes part of that living involves the not so great stuff...no matter what, it'll happen, whether we live like kings and queens down to depths of human suffering. But does that mean we need to suffer in order to know that we're alive?? I bring this question up because I'm still apart of a very True Blue Mormon book club and we just read "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" by Betty Smith. This was a theme that ran through the novel and one that is doctrine in Mormonism--there must be opposition in all things so we can feel the joy from the pain, etc. Many of the women expressed that one cannot know what it's like to be financially strapped unless they've been there, or even how to learn those lessons of getting out of those circumstances unless they've been there....hmmm. Or we've got to suffer just so we know we're alive...hmmm.
I don't really say too much during this book club because I just don't want to rock the boat. I'm not very confrontational and like these women and I like the books we read (well, sometimes). It's also a great excuse to leave the baby with Daddy one night a month.
But I say BS!!!!! Big time. Life in and of itself is going to give us the ups and downs; that right there is going to let us know we're alive as long as we let it! In the book Francie's mother is having a baby in their apartment and since it was back in the early 1900s there was no epidural or other remediation of pain. So she screams out a lot. During this, the book lets us hear what other tenants are thinking about this experience. We hear a conversation by two elderly sisters (who were never married nor had children) who live next door (or thereabouts) and comment that it's horrible what she's going through and they're glad they're not going through it, but then they say at least she knows she's alive. Well, you know what, you 2 elderly ladies, that is your fault that you feel like you didn't feel alive. There are so many experiences that each of us will never have, but that's OK!!! We can learn about others' experiences by getting to know other types of people and reading and doing. Just because I'll never have seven children doesn't mean I won't know that I'm alive. Or because I had an epidural and C-section that I'm not alive because I supposedly didn't have the pains of childbirth (though, it was still very painful...).
Let's step outside for just a second and think about what this principle really means, not just on a personal scale, but on a global one as well. If we're saying it's good to suffer, then we can be saying that those who do suffer do not need any alleviation...since it's good for them. Those poor starving people everywhere in the world...it's good for you. B f-ing S. We all get plenty of suffering in life no matter what, but let's rise above the notion that there's actually something divine and noble in it! I want to alleviate as much suffering as I can for everyone. I don't want us women to feel pain in childbirth. I don't want people to starve, to be abused, be tortured and brainwashed. I want medicine to alleviate suffering and to cure it. I want people to be able to overcome and take control of their addictions and mental illnesses through drugs and therapy and support groups. I want people and children to be able to feel good about themselves and their bodies and that they are good and important and valued. I don't want another child to know what it feels like to go hungry, what it feels like to be abused by the ones they love. I don't want women to be afraid of showing their shoulders, speaking their minds and deciding they don't want children. I don't want my son to know what it's like when your father picks you up from school to inform you that your mother is in the hospital because she tried to commit suicide.
We all share our stories and our experiences. We make mistakes and we (hopefully) try to learn from them so we can pass our great knowledge onto our children. I may not be able to completely empathize with every experience everyone has ever gone through, but I sure can sympathize and I can learn from others, from their experiences. Even if I never experience what it's like to live from paycheck to paycheck, I can still learn how to better manage my money. I can still learn how to be frugal and save.
That's what, IMO, this human experience is all about...to help alleviate the suffering of others and to learn not only from our mistakes, but from the mistakes of others. As one who once upon a time believed in an all-loving and all knowing/powerful God, I cry out BS. He/It cannot be all three. Yes, suffering is apart of life, but so is joy and love and laughter. And I will do everything I can to allow others to feel free to truly experience the joys, the loves, and the laughters of life, because that is what it is like to truly feel alive.
7 comments:
"That's what, IMO, this human experience is all about...to help alleviate the suffering of others and to learn not only from our mistakes, but from the mistakes of others."
You're definitely right there. But I still think there is purpose for pain, I mean besides the practical thing of being the signal to the brain that you're injured and need to address the injury, etc. You mention epidurals, and it reminded me of how we're learning now that epidurals and other forms of pain relief (and all medical interventions really) during childbirth are really counterproductive. For instance, labor pains signal your brain to release endorphins for pain relief, so that you baby doesn't feel the pain of childbirth as much (the epidural won't help the baby), and that prevents the baby being distressed.
I think if pain had no practical purpose we wouldn't have evolved to feel pain. That doesn't mean we shouldn't be trying to alleviate or avoid suffering, but not at the expense of
Yes, there is a purpose for pain and that's why we'll never completely get rid of it. It's part of our DNA and our life experiences, but I'm also talking about the insistence that suffering is good/divine, that it's being caused by the divine, that it's somehow noble this pain and suffering. That's where I think that kind of thinking gets dangerous.
And hey, if my baby has to feel a bit of distress as well...I don't have a problem with that. I'm going to be a calmer patient without feeling a lot of pain. I still felt discomfort...and i had some other things happen. Pain meds are not in that way counterproductive. That's why there done under a doctor's care when the baby comes out. It's a fallacy to say they are all counterproductive. By who's standards? How many studies have been done? Are there studies that show differently? What is the consensus of the medical community? I just don't buy it.
At that thinking can lead to..."oh, you caused your baby distress since you wanted pain relief...what a bad mother you are, thinking of yourself before your baby." Damn right! Anything that can ease childbirth is alright in my book and anything that can help with the child rearing is also welcome.
So yes pain is important physically in it's a defense system and evolutionarily helps us out and emotional as well since that's just apart of life, but what I'm saying is it's not divine and that it's important to alleviate suffering when and where we can and not think that it's god's will or that's there lot in life to suffer etc.
"it's not divine and that it's important to alleviate suffering when and where we can and not think that it's god's will or that's there lot in life to suffer etc."
Exactly! I think it's almost entirely evolutionary, promoting civilization. Common human experiences are what hold us together as a society. We know that everyone suffers, everyone dies, everyone experiences the death of people they know, etc. All that is what makes us able to empathize with each other and have relationships with each other. And that empathy is what makes us try to relieve suffering - the disease making its own cure, as usual in nature.
I'd be really interested in hearing your birth story (I don't know if you were referring to yourself above in your post), if you're willing to share. I really liked this post!
"At that thinking can lead to..."oh, you caused your baby distress since you wanted pain relief...what a bad mother you are, thinking of yourself before your baby.""
You're right about that - too many people are judgmental of laboring women who want pain relief. But what I meant by counterproductive is that (aside from causing the baby distress) epidurals tend to stall labor, they always prevent the laboring woman from being able to respond to what her body tells her, and always prevent her from getting into various positions known to ease labor - so epidurals might ease pain, but they don't ease labor/birth. It actually gets in the way. Statistics show using epidurals increases the risk of c-section, which is a major surgery that puts both mother and baby at risk. And the evidence is that most of what is common practice (such as fetal monitoring) doesn't produce better results; they only increase the chances that the doctor will order surgery. That's what the new bill, the MOMS in the 21st Century Act, is about - making evidence-based care the policy, whereas currently many procedures and drugs were instituted as policy in hospitals without any evidence that they'd do any good.
OK, yes. I see where you are coming from. Thanks for explaining! Thanks for discussing. I usually don't get too many people reading! I totally agree with evidence-based care policy!
I'm just glad I'm not bothering you. haha. The subject of human suffering was a big topic in college - oh I miss college!! It was fun to talk about it.
I call BS on this suffering principle too. Did you read "God's Problem", Bart Erhman, I think is the author? Can't remember if saw that on your reading list.
But most of all I love seeing your passion expressed in this post. :)
It didn't take me long to recognise (once I was out that is) just how sad and debilitating religion can be to a person. I love that I can now enthusiastically embrace life, THIS life, the only life we can be sure of and share that zest w/others. No need to go through life w/a pained expression to show what martyrs we are!!! ugh!
Small tangent... I kind of know what those old ladies were on about sating that at least the labouring woman really knew she was alive. Except of course I have to say that both of my labours were short and uncomplicated. They were hard but I actually 'enjoyed' them. I remember them fondly as...well pretty much as those ladies said, a time when I really knew I was alive. But that was manageable, natural pain. Not everyone gets that and as you say starvation etc are not natural, manageble sufferings and should not be labelled as 'learning experiences'. No one should be sampling that particular experience, it is inhumane.
Great post, I too loved the passion in it. Isn't blogging fun!
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