Thursday, February 24, 2011

Life and Its Ups and Downs

Well, I know I shouldn't complain too much since I have a roof over my head and food to eat...that said...

It's been a difficult journey and continues to be one out of Mormonism. When my doubts all came out and I started to share what I'd been learning with my husband...he wasn't too happy. He enjoyed being a Jack Mormon and not worrying too much about it. He felt a bit guilty here and there but overall he still had his purpose and that was that...then I came along and pretty much shattered all of that. And I don't think he's truly forgiven me yet for that. He doesn't want to talk about it. He says his faith is done and that's that; he doesn't want to dwell on it. I get that. But it's like I can't talk to him about anything. Books, politics, headlines, etc. We talk about work, our son, and movies. So in a way we've both been pushing each other away and it finally came to a head these last few weeks as we've both been sick as dogs in bed and super grumpy to boot. I've been finding my own outlet through the PostMormon groups here in Utah and have met some really awesome ladies and couples. I do head out about once or twice a week and leave my DH behind. So it's time to really heal and save my marriage. I love him so much and want to find that spark again. We've agreed to go to therapy both as a couple and individually...we want to find a good one...so if you have any suggestions in the Salt Lake area please let me know.

I feel really selfish that I destroyed his faith. I didn't mean to. I just feel horrible about how it's turned out.

It really feels like we need to start over. We need to find a way to communicate again. But I realize that it was something hiding beneath the surface while we were still believing and now that religion is gone we need to find common ground again.

I just needed to vent. I've been missing my DH for awhile now, and I hope we can work through this better and stronger than ever.

For the up part of life right now...just found out that a worrying condition that my son has been having is just fine! So yeah for that. Also received my TurboJam DVDs...I want to lose a few pounds to fit into some fun sundresses this summer!!!

2 comments:

lifelongguy said...

Well, it is a struggle. Wow can I relate that falling from Mormonism can just tear a the fabric of a marriage. Sounds like you two are addressing it head on and working together, can't ask for more than that. So, so hard, thou.

Good luck. Want to borrow our P90x DVD's?? They are kicking our trash right now. :)

Diane Tingen said...

I feel for you and your situation. When I began my journey away from the church, I was married to my third husband (long story how I got to three), and he was a TBM who accepted it all despite all the lies, deceptions, cover-ups and contradictions. That was hard. Our marriage dissolved, but my leaving Mormonism wasn't the only problem... there were many, many others, including the fact that he is an alcoholic, a porn addict and a sex addict. So regardless of whether or not I remained a Mormon, I'm sure the marriage would have ended anyway.

But I must say that I'm a little confused about your situation. If your husband is a "Jack Mormon," his faith is apparently faltering anyway, without any input from you. I don't understand why he would be so upset about your leaving the church when it seems like he may be halfway there already. You have probably already had that discussion, though... so my comments may not be new revelations.

I hope you're able to find common ground and repair your marriage. Obviously since I've been married and divorced 3 times, I don't have much advice to offer anyone on how to do that... Diane